Chemistry vs Love? No, They’re Not The Same

Chemistry = When Sparks Fly! If you hear yourself saying to your friends: ‘We have great chemistry, do not pass go. Instead stop, look and listen. In the last few weeks I have had several conversations with some of my clients (who are single women over 40) about the importance of chemistry with men you meet. If I were to ask you on a scale of 1 to 10, (10 being high) how you would rank chemistry as being important when meeting and dating a guy, what would you say? If you’re like most women you would probably rank it pretty high on the scale. So, what I’m about to tell you may be shocking to some and not acceptable to others. But please keep reading to see if you may want to change your perspective on chemistry.

Chemistry vs Love?

Here is the reality, chemistry is over rated big time. In fact chemistry gets in the way of meeting Mr. Right and can put you on the track to meeting the ‘wrong men’. So Suzy, are you trying to tell me that if a guy is not attractive to me I should not let that stand in the way of dating him? Is that the question that just popped in your mind? My answer is Yes and No. If you are repulsed by a man because he’s obese or has rotten teeth or poor grooming habits and smells or whatever, that’s obviously a No answer, that will not work. However, if you meet a man who is physically acceptable (meaning not repulsive) who treats you with respect, and appears to have values that you respect…and from first blush seems like a nice guy but you don’t feel much chemistry… than the answer is Yes.

Don’t let the lack of chemistry stop you from getting to know this man. Here’s the thing that you must understand. Chemistry is not about love. Chemistry loses its ‘punch’ (so to speak) at some point in any relationship and now you’re left with the reality of who this man is without the chemistry. Most often he’s not the man that is best suited to you; In fact usually he’s the wrong man for you. When you get to know a man first as a friend and you begin to value him as a trustworthy guy who has your back and is a support system to you, it’s at that point you have the beginnings of a ‘real love’ relationship. True authentic love is based on something way better than what you know as chemistry. In the case of true love the attraction factor is a soul to soul connection.  This trumps chemistry hands down. It means you both enter into the relationship without needing something from each other to complete you in some way.

You leave your old baggage at the door and show up as a woman who most importantly has self love… which allows you to fully engage in a healthy, loving relationship. That is when you realize you are with your soul mate. True love is about being perfectly okay with your partner’s individuality even when you disagree about something. In a mature relationship you learn to negotiate with each other when you need to come to a mutual decision. You accept him for exactly who he is and he accepts you in the same way. When you are with the man best suited to you, there is total trust that this man has your best interest at heart. It’s a deep love that has the capacity to go through the hard times and in fact it’s those difficult times that actually deepen the relationship. And when you’re with your true love, the good times are magical! You feel more alive and vibrant than you have ever even imagined for yourself. YES, men like this do exist…you just need to learn how and where to find them. To discover the secret to meeting relationship minded men check out Women Dating After 40.

Here’s where the rubber hits the road

If you base a relationship on how much chemistry exists between you and him, than you will be blinded as to the real factors that you must have for a successful relationship. The glue that holds a soulmate based relationship together is the body, mind and soul connection that you have with your partner. That’s the chemistry (so to speak) of authentic love, versus love based on the infatuation that is the result of a chemistry based relationship. So now you know, not only is chemistry over rated, but it is not a good predictor of he’s ‘The One.’ As a woman dating over 40 who is serious about finding your soul mate, remember real love is not an emotion like chemistry, it’s much deeper than that.

Wooly Bear Festival End

She didn't say a word, just walked away, and yep you guessed it about an hour later her and her friend had it on a leash walking down the side walk. Idiots! That puppy couldn't have been more then 6 weeks old. Well at least I didn't have anyone looking for a dog to breed with. I did have a few people tell me that the sum between $100 and $200 was way too much money for a dog. My response to both of those people was "Do you know how much it is to get a dog fixed?" they both said yes. I said do you really think $100 is too much for a dog? They both started at me blankly. Oh and this was so funny. We have this super nice dog in the rescue right now named Bo. He is big but so nice. I was taking him out of the crate and he was just walking out like a normal dog. This young girl scream, threw her hands out to the side of her to block her friends and said that is a wild one! I looked straight at her and I said "he is? why do you say that?" "He is going to get us!" She said loudly. I said "No he isn't." Her mom pulled her arms down and I walked away so not exactly sure what all transpired after that. So weird. For the parade all the dogs were dressed in costumes. It seemed everyone like that idea and it got a lot of people in the crowds attention. We will definitely do that again next year.

More on The Wooly Bear Festival

I even had one kid come into the tent and start grab stuff off the table. Are you kidding me! I grabbed his little arm and walked him out of the tent. Of course the entire time him mom was screaming "Travis come here. Don't go in there. What are you doing Come here" Clearly the kid doesn't listen and or isn't made to listen. Sure scared him when I grabbed his arm and marched him out of the tent. Then I had a girl, probably 12 years old walk over to me and say "Where are the Boy Scouts" I said "I have no idea" her response "Oh come on dude. Your kidding me." stomp her foot and get all mad. I gave her the nastiest look and said "why should I know where they are?" She turned around mumbling something all mad. I looked at my friend in the tent with me and I said did that really just happen? Then this teenage girl came up to the tent. She had this little tiny puppy. I told her to be careful b/c a puppy that little can get sick and die. I told her until after it has all his vaccinations it won't be immune to picking up illness from other dogs. She looked at me like fu. I told her that our dogs are shelter dogs and just because a dog is healthy doesn't mean it isn't carrying something that will make a puppy sick. 

Wooly Bear Festival

Sunday 9'th october was the Wooly Bear Festival. It was a huge success. We had a lot of amazing volunteers helping and walking in the parade. Man am I lucky to have such awesome people who have adopted from me and who volunteer. And some are both. A lot of friends and people I know from different times in my life stopped by to say hi! It was nice to see people coming by, really feels like I am supported in my efforts. We all know this year has been one crappy year for me when it comes to people treating me like shit. Oh the stuff I don't even blog about would blow your mind. I try to keep the blogging dog related only. But I must say for every person who has treated me like crap there are 2 more awesome adopters or volunteers or friends who sure help me get through the crap! I will say though, the general public is weird. I had a few strange experiences while at the festival. Well first of all I had a tent set up with tables in the front and dog pens on either side. Clearly the tent was for those manning the tent to be able to stand under and sell items that were on the table. Had the sides blocked pretty well with the dog pens but you better believe every little kid and annoying adult would find one little opening and walk right through the middle of our tent. 

Mystic Mom

Laughter of Resistance

Think about this, the people the United States government fears the most are not terrorists, they fear the peace activists. The strange truth here is the United States government supports terrorism, as fear supports this administration. My position is very clear on this matter, first the administration is a Terrorist based organization that uses fear, torture and terror as means to maintain their vision of America. Secondly, I don't believe in resistance nor do I promote fighting. I advocate instead that each person needs to be themselves one hundred percent. If the action of being yourself goes against society, then so be it. You are not society, society is dictated by your actions. Be free, by not living in fear of being yourself. So lets get back to that original email. To protect the identity of my new friend I will call her Joe. Tricky, tricky, is Joe a he or she? You will never know now, I feel like I am in a spy novel now. I responded to Joe in a one page email which I will summarize here, It's not that western life is bad. It's just that corporations and a greedy wealthy few have subverted freedom to mean totalitarian economic policy. Eventually this will change. All dictators fall, All. If you want to resist these problems. Then learn how to laugh about how silly western society is. Laughter is the most powerful from of resistance. Laughter is the key as strange as this may sound.

Garfield Whump